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personal/mental health/Boundaries.md
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@ -4,6 +4,7 @@ No matter how well individuals think they know each other, they are not mind rea
If not addressed properly, "little" things can become big things that can threaten a relationship when ignored. It's important to *identify* and *express* needs. A lot of trouble and heartache can be avoided if everyone said what they needed rather than pulling away or becoming passive aggressive.
By being in control of when and how the issue is brought up, resentment doesn't build and the conversation can go smoothly.
## Feeling Safe
If you don't feel safe physically, mentally, and emotionally, it can be difficult to set and hold boundaries. Even if your lack of stability isn't directly caused by the relationship (lack of sleep, conflict from work, existential issues), it can still impact your ability to hold healthy boundaries.
@ -18,7 +19,20 @@ You can validate another person's anxiety or other emotions such as hurt, frustr
Healthy boundaries can dramatically improve relationships and wellbeing. You must stay true to yourself, and be prepared to let go of those who won't adapt to the boundaries you set.
## Setting an example
## Requests vs Boundaries vs Ultimatums
Requests and boundaries are both tools we can use to meet our needs.
## Requests
A request is when you ask someone to do or not do something, in order to meet our needs. A request is *not enforceable*, the outcome is out of our control. For example: "Would you mind speaking to me more calmly?"
## Boundaries
A *boundary* is when you make clear what you will or will not tolerate. For example, "I can't continue this conversation when you raise your voice at me."
A boundary is only meaningful *if you enforce it*. In the above example, that would mean ending the conversation when the other party raises their voice.
When we set a boundary, we are making it
# Resources
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-truth-about-boundaries/
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-truth-about-boundaries/
https://www.gottman.com/blog/requests-vs-boundaries-vs-ultimatums-the-ultimate-guide/