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personal/interpersonal skills/Difficult Conversations.md
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@ -66,7 +66,10 @@ There are a few skills that can help you figure out the right issue, and in turn
**Unbundling** **Unbundling**
There are three levels of conversation you may need to have about the issue itself, and a 4th relating to the *process* of the conversation. There are three levels of conversation you may need to have about the issue itself, and a 4th relating to the *process* of the conversation.
- **Content**: The first time a problem comes up, talk about the content - the immediate pain. *If the action or the immediate consequences are the issue, you have a content problem*. This is for when it's the first time something has happened. - **Content**: The first time a problem comes up, talk about the content - the immediate pain. *If the action or the immediate consequences are the issue, you have a content problem*. This is for when it's the first time something has happened.
- **Pattern**: The next time a problem comes up, it means a pattern is starting to develop, or already has. It can be difficult to determine when something's a pattern, and when it's not, but it's important to address patterns early, before they're entrenched, and the problem becomes more difficult to address. A - **Pattern**: The next time a problem comes up, it means a pattern is starting to develop, or already has. It can be difficult to determine when something's a pattern, and when it's not, but it's important to address patterns early, before they're entrenched, and the problem becomes more difficult to address. As a general rule, the first time something happens, it's an incident. The second time, it may be coincidence. The third time, it is a pattern.
- **Relationship**: As problems continue, they can begin to impact the relationship. Relationship issues get to deeper concerns about *trust*, *competence*, or *respect*. For example, we may begin to question whether we can trust a person to keep commitments, or begin to doubt someone's technical abilities.