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personal/interpersonal skills/Difficult Conversations.md
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@ -104,3 +104,5 @@ When you notice that your emotions are rising, don't try to stop them from happe
In many instances, conflict comes from the fact that each person's story, or the way they view events, is incomplete, or warped by emotion. If you can recognize this in yourself, and in other people, you can get in the habit of trying to gain a greater understanding of each other, and figure out what's missing, what's making that friction. Telling a story can help shift the other person's emotions, and hearing a story can help us better re-evaluate our own story and emotions. In many instances, conflict comes from the fact that each person's story, or the way they view events, is incomplete, or warped by emotion. If you can recognize this in yourself, and in other people, you can get in the habit of trying to gain a greater understanding of each other, and figure out what's missing, what's making that friction. Telling a story can help shift the other person's emotions, and hearing a story can help us better re-evaluate our own story and emotions.
*personal note*: At this point in the book, I'm realizing that when we don't properly understand the other person and we don't communicate about issues, we can begin to take these points of conflict, and start to attribute them to deeper traits about the other person. EG, you could begin to think of them as "a jealous person", or "a *bad* person", when in reality, they aren't a jealous person, or a bad person (few people are), you just lack the full context. *personal note*: At this point in the book, I'm realizing that when we don't properly understand the other person and we don't communicate about issues, we can begin to take these points of conflict, and start to attribute them to deeper traits about the other person. EG, you could begin to think of them as "a jealous person", or "a *bad* person", when in reality, they aren't a jealous person, or a bad person (few people are), you just lack the full context.
We tell ourselves stories, even when we don't realize it. And fairly often, these stories *are not correct*. When you believe you are at risk of something, you'll often instantly create a story, or a perspective that protects your ego. "I didn't do anything wrong", or "That person is just an x".